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[meta] China Blue Nevers by ...me
I can't actually remember the last time I wrote a meta post to a fic, but here's one.
For all that I complain that China Blue Nevers (ShiHanChul, PG-13, angst/romance) is 4000 words of pointlessness and angst, I'm actually pretty fond of it.
I started off writing it when I was walking home one night, sweat sticking to my skin despite the night air, the sky above me a dark gray-blue color. The first few sentences of the first part formed themselves in my mind so solidly that I had no choice but to write them down when I got back. I wanted to convey the idea of a sticky summer night in Beijing, lazy and sweaty and unbearable. Hankyung and Heechul slotted themselves into the piece immediately, but I wasn't sure where I was going with this.
Somewhere through writing the first section, the sentence "It felt like they were waiting for something, but Hankyung didn't know what" appeared and fell in place. They were waiting. What were they waiting for?
The idea of both Hankyung and Heechul being in love with Siwon was a vague idea that didn't really fully form in my head until about halfway through the fic. Before that, the only ideas I really had were that: (1) Hankyung and Heechul came to China every year, (2) Siwon used to come with them, and (3) this was either AU or set in the future.
Regarding the last point, I noticed that what I had written so far could easily be construed as AU - and I liked that. I eventually began slipping hints of the past into the story as I wrote, revealing that Siwon used to be with them without revealing why. There were references to Hankyung's past that I hoped were vague enough as not to totally cement the idea that it absolutely could not be AU - I wanted that option there even up until I started describing their current situations: jobs but no families, waiting to get married, Heechul working as an author, Hankyung working as ...whatever.
It was then I solidly confirmed that this was futurefic by referencing Hankyung's retirement from the entertainment industry. I still never mentioned Super Junior by name - but I think this part (and this entire fic) reflects just how fanfiction works.
I know the readers will know who Super Junior is, who Hankyung and Heechul and Siwon are, going into the fic. I know that they have varying amounts of knowledge regarding their past and their current lives. I use this by showing how close Hankyung and Heechul are, how their friendship in the fic is so much their friendship in real life - it suggests that this fic is not AU, because of the parallels to RL. When I say "He had bowed out of stardom after two unsatisfying years in China; it hadn't been the same without a group", I expect people to know that the group was Super Junior, and the group had disbanded or at least made their "final goodbye" if Hankyung was talking about life afterwards.
Even when I mention Hankyung's mother, I expect people to know why I even bothered - because she is clearly so important to him that for her to be happy and well-off means that he has accomplished another goal in his life. He has nothing left in his life now, after SJ, after making his mother happy, after now running a successful restaurant chain - except to get married and have kids.
I expect people to understand and sympathize when I call Heechul a princess, as opposed to a prince or a spoiled child, because that's how he refers to himself. This is why I mention fairy tales and happy endings, because Heechul compares himself to Cinderella and admits to writing fairy stories. This is his own line of comparison. This is him, and thus his character.
The best example, probably, of how I rely on readers coming into the fic with certain basic knowledge (and care) about the characters and their situations is this line:
He remembered what it was like every time he saw a warm pair of brown eyes, a dimpled smile, a pair of broad shoulders, and everything he still hadn't stopped dreaming about.
This is Hankyung talking, obviously, about Siwon. But I never mention Siwon's name until later in the fic, never clearly allude to the fact that it's Siwon that Hankyung's been in love with all this time until later. But everyone who knows SJ knows that the description is of Siwon.Everyone who's read the pairing knows it can only be Siwon. Everyone who knows the ShiHanChul friendship and closeness knows it's more likely Siwon than not.
This is the kind of thing I do with fanfiction - using fandom and my expectations of readers to have certain knowledge - that I think is possibly only with fanfiction. In original fiction, the knowledge you can assume the reader comes in with regarding your characters and their backstories is much, much lower. You have to do the development yourself, for their pasts and their personalities. I have gotten good at fanfiction and utilizing my audience's knoweldge - but this is why I find writing original fiction so hard now.
I suppose you can call it lazy or say that I'm out of practice (the latter which is definitely true). Still, this is why fanfiction comes so much easier to me. This is why, despite all I write and write and write, I don't know if I can ever get published. (Though of course, not being published can be due to a whole host of other factors, such as my fail ability to carry out a complex plot and needing to work on descriptions, etc.)
I hope I am not relying so much on readers to fill in canon in my fic that it's become a crutch to my writing (though isn't that what I've been saying this entire post?). I hope my fics can still be read and enjoyed by people not in the fandom. But the fact of the matter is, when it comes to fanfiction, if you're not in the fandom and don't know the character and their stories, your experience with (non-AU) fanfiction, I think, is just generally going to be different from somone who is in fandom. It will be less...meaningful?
IMO.
Also, I think I've always wanted to write this fic - where slash doesn't just work out, and sometimes you just have to be okay with that, because life moves on whether you hurt or not, whether your love is returned or not.
I want to write for the rest of my life - but I don't know how.
For all that I complain that China Blue Nevers (ShiHanChul, PG-13, angst/romance) is 4000 words of pointlessness and angst, I'm actually pretty fond of it.
I started off writing it when I was walking home one night, sweat sticking to my skin despite the night air, the sky above me a dark gray-blue color. The first few sentences of the first part formed themselves in my mind so solidly that I had no choice but to write them down when I got back. I wanted to convey the idea of a sticky summer night in Beijing, lazy and sweaty and unbearable. Hankyung and Heechul slotted themselves into the piece immediately, but I wasn't sure where I was going with this.
Somewhere through writing the first section, the sentence "It felt like they were waiting for something, but Hankyung didn't know what" appeared and fell in place. They were waiting. What were they waiting for?
The idea of both Hankyung and Heechul being in love with Siwon was a vague idea that didn't really fully form in my head until about halfway through the fic. Before that, the only ideas I really had were that: (1) Hankyung and Heechul came to China every year, (2) Siwon used to come with them, and (3) this was either AU or set in the future.
Regarding the last point, I noticed that what I had written so far could easily be construed as AU - and I liked that. I eventually began slipping hints of the past into the story as I wrote, revealing that Siwon used to be with them without revealing why. There were references to Hankyung's past that I hoped were vague enough as not to totally cement the idea that it absolutely could not be AU - I wanted that option there even up until I started describing their current situations: jobs but no families, waiting to get married, Heechul working as an author, Hankyung working as ...whatever.
It was then I solidly confirmed that this was futurefic by referencing Hankyung's retirement from the entertainment industry. I still never mentioned Super Junior by name - but I think this part (and this entire fic) reflects just how fanfiction works.
I know the readers will know who Super Junior is, who Hankyung and Heechul and Siwon are, going into the fic. I know that they have varying amounts of knowledge regarding their past and their current lives. I use this by showing how close Hankyung and Heechul are, how their friendship in the fic is so much their friendship in real life - it suggests that this fic is not AU, because of the parallels to RL. When I say "He had bowed out of stardom after two unsatisfying years in China; it hadn't been the same without a group", I expect people to know that the group was Super Junior, and the group had disbanded or at least made their "final goodbye" if Hankyung was talking about life afterwards.
Even when I mention Hankyung's mother, I expect people to know why I even bothered - because she is clearly so important to him that for her to be happy and well-off means that he has accomplished another goal in his life. He has nothing left in his life now, after SJ, after making his mother happy, after now running a successful restaurant chain - except to get married and have kids.
I expect people to understand and sympathize when I call Heechul a princess, as opposed to a prince or a spoiled child, because that's how he refers to himself. This is why I mention fairy tales and happy endings, because Heechul compares himself to Cinderella and admits to writing fairy stories. This is his own line of comparison. This is him, and thus his character.
The best example, probably, of how I rely on readers coming into the fic with certain basic knowledge (and care) about the characters and their situations is this line:
He remembered what it was like every time he saw a warm pair of brown eyes, a dimpled smile, a pair of broad shoulders, and everything he still hadn't stopped dreaming about.
This is Hankyung talking, obviously, about Siwon. But I never mention Siwon's name until later in the fic, never clearly allude to the fact that it's Siwon that Hankyung's been in love with all this time until later. But everyone who knows SJ knows that the description is of Siwon.
This is the kind of thing I do with fanfiction - using fandom and my expectations of readers to have certain knowledge - that I think is possibly only with fanfiction. In original fiction, the knowledge you can assume the reader comes in with regarding your characters and their backstories is much, much lower. You have to do the development yourself, for their pasts and their personalities. I have gotten good at fanfiction and utilizing my audience's knoweldge - but this is why I find writing original fiction so hard now.
I suppose you can call it lazy or say that I'm out of practice (the latter which is definitely true). Still, this is why fanfiction comes so much easier to me. This is why, despite all I write and write and write, I don't know if I can ever get published. (Though of course, not being published can be due to a whole host of other factors, such as my fail ability to carry out a complex plot and needing to work on descriptions, etc.)
I hope I am not relying so much on readers to fill in canon in my fic that it's become a crutch to my writing (though isn't that what I've been saying this entire post?). I hope my fics can still be read and enjoyed by people not in the fandom. But the fact of the matter is, when it comes to fanfiction, if you're not in the fandom and don't know the character and their stories, your experience with (non-AU) fanfiction, I think, is just generally going to be different from somone who is in fandom. It will be less...meaningful?
IMO.
Also, I think I've always wanted to write this fic - where slash doesn't just work out, and sometimes you just have to be okay with that, because life moves on whether you hurt or not, whether your love is returned or not.
I want to write for the rest of my life - but I don't know how.
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that fic, which I am halfway through now, though, isn't pointless.
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I find it hard to part with fanfiction, though. I just don't want to stop writing fic, because it's fun and more shareable, and while it does seem to have a detrimental aspect to my original writing, it also has benefits. I've gotten a lot of practice writing in general over the years.
But I think if I am actually going to buckle down and work on a novel, I'll need to shelve fanfiction for a while so I won't get distracted by something new and shiny. And I just haven't been willing to do that yet. :\
However - none of that means that I think fanfiction is a wasteful past time. I don't think it's something that should be "grown out of" so one can graduate onto "real" writing. :| People who try to impose that view on others are obnoxious and conceited. There are plenty of people who like to write fic, but aren't interested in writing a book. It's a hobby, not necessarily a future profession.
aldhalk long story short: IA.
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There are ways to do it in original fiction as well - if you say something is a dragon, you don't need to explain what a dragon is (unless yours differs greatly from the collective mythology) just like you don't need to explain about their careers (unless in your story it WASN'T Super Junior). That's simplifying it a bit, but every story draws on references from culture, environment, and past stories.
Even though you do it more directly with fanfic, isn't it somewhat an accomplishment when you see it in original fiction? Maybe an original fic author doesn't describe everything in detail but includes subtle references that enhance the experience for those who have the shared frame of reference.
(My favorite is a scene in one of Diane Duane's novels where she describes a character watching TV - and the show she describes is obviously Pokemon. Someone without the experience of watching Pokemon wouldn't get it, but it adds something to the work without taking away from those who don't get it.)
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Though, really, as long as you do just a little every day, even that will be writing something. It's not quite what you want, I imagine, but at this point it might be wiser to take what you can get.
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I haven't written fanfiction in a long time but I remember how it used to feel. But I mean, if I haven't seen... ex. Star Trek.... so why would I read or write fic for it? Not only would I have no clue who was who, but their mannerisms, character-by-character relationships, personality... what makes that character THAT character... I wouldn't know. And little quirks that are commonly explored in fiction... I wouldn't know what they mean.
If I don't know that Kirk's THE intergalatic slut, or what Pon Farr is, or that Vulcan's have green blood, not red, should I be writing fic? Or if I didn't know the closeness of character bonds, could I TRULY understand it just by reading a fic? No. I don't think so. I'd have to be well invested in the fandom to know.
I love these fics and if you want to write for the rest of your life, then stop worrying and wondering how. It'll come to you, boo. :D And I'll read your fic for as long as you keep posting them.
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You don't know me, and I don't think I've ever commented on your fic, but I've been reading your SuJu fics ever since you started writing them.
I only began to be able to put faces to the names when Sorry Sorry came out.
In other words, for the longest time I was reading and enjoying your fics without even being in the fandom - in fact, right now I still am, because I daren't say I'm even actually properly in the fandom.
(:
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The point is, you've done an excellent job of characterizing them even for an audience that started essentially from scratch, so don't doubt that you have the ability to do it.
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Very very long story short... I definitely get the thought of how this writing relates to original stuff, where writing will ending up going in the end, and how.... I do think, though, that it all circles back around. That you can see the hints you use means you know in original fiction there'd need to be extra info later. Some important things, though... Ah, the layers of information. ...and that still ended up longer than I meant. :| I don't make sense any more. _-_
I think your writing though would want people want to know more, though. :) That's a fun way to get into fandom... <3