among many other things that are not ok, this is one of them

[meitachi]

This is not okay.


This is so far from okay that I don't even know what to say. I spent the past two hours link-hopping and reading up on this and all I can say is that thenyxie is still missing the point, but I am encouraged by the fact that the majority of SPN fandom/the internet understands why what she did (and her reaction to it) was so not okay and is calling her out on it.

Please, please read up on this because I think more people need to realize that fandom is not the safe space we think it is sometimes - but that we should all work towards learning what rape culture is in order to not unwittingly perpetuate it. Check out this post and this post in particular.

Man, do I need a break from the internet.

Catch y'all later. I'll visit again sometime after the MV's out.


ETA: Warning for triggery material (and often graphic descriptions) about sexual assault
This is why people don't go to the police
This is what rape culture looks like
Saying no

Comments

[kasugai-gummie.livejournal.com]

I just read the first-hand account in the comments and I am skeeved out beyond recognition. The sad thing is, I'm decidedly unsurprised about the fact that this shit even happened. Cons are designed to be a gathering of fans, but also have the unfortunate side effect of drawing out the less scrupulous members.

The crazy never stops.

[meiface.livejournal.com]

While cons are meant to be a safe place, people really should recognize that there are still a lot of strangers there and take precautions accordingly (as Anna said below). Because a lot of it comes down to the fact that even people we consider friends might not fully understand the boundaries - I have friends who do not understand why the homophobic or sexist things they say are Not Okay and why I get on their case about it, even when it's explained to them, because they don't ~intend~ to be offensive or misogynist or whatever, so it's okay! God.

It's awful how the world is no longer surprised by the kind of skeevy things that go on, but I hope that never leads to complacency or keeps people from being outraged and horrified and trying to do something to change it.

[meiface.livejournal.com]

The girls went into the room being told they'd be hanging with other fans and watching DVD extras. That aside, I do agree with you that women should take precautions and learn about what is safe and what isn't. I agree that a con is hardly full of trusted friends where you can let your guard down - at most they are close on-line buddies, to say nothing of all the strangers who are also there. The reality of our world is that, like you said, it's full of people who don't respect that women shouldn't be harassed.

BUT. As a friend was saying to me, "I absolutely think that women should take as many precautions as they can... but that's because I want them to be safe and I know that nobody else will do it for you. But women shouldn't HAVE to. Not ever ever ever."

No matter how stupid someone acts, that doesn't justify nonconsensual acts upon them; granted, in this case, it didn't amount to rape, but that's not the point. The point is that they were made to feel uncomfortable and they should not have that feeling invalidated just because it wasn't intentional or because they ~put themselves in that situation~ (perilously close to the rape-justification of "they asked for it by wearing slutty clothes!") considering that they were led there under false pretenses.

I'm very unsure of where I stand on the whole idea of "fandom as a safe space" issue (because it should be, but on the other hand, people shouldn't expect to be able to say or do things here without also suffering the consequences of those words or actions; fandom does not mean an automatic free pass to anything ever).

Mostly I am busy being appalled at thenyxie, her husband, their actions, and her unbelievable response and faux apology. Because I think that's the problem here, more than whatever ill-founded good faith the girls had in going up to the hotel room in the first place.

[meiface.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure the people involved reported to the people running the con back then. The committee responded by banning thenyxie and letting her know about their decision. It was all handled very quietly. Nothing happened in 2009 because thenyxie couldn't afford to go to the con and things came to light this year when she registered for the con and announced that she was going. This is what sparked the concern in the anonmeme (ugh, I'm also not a fan of them so I try to avoid them) over what happened in 2008. Some people ended up defriending her, she noticed, she got pointed to the anonmeme thread about her, and immediately blew up on her own journal. She's the one who brought the publicity to what happened two years ago, conflating what the anons were saying about her with what the con committee was saying/had said, from firsthand reports and complaints.

Life is definitely full of shit stuff like this and shit people like this - and maybe it's the bleeding heart in me - but it depresses me and outrages me every time. I know there's nothing I can do to stop all of it considering the unfortunate realities of how pervasive this kind of mindset is, but I don't ever want to be so complacent about "shit happens and then we die" that I stop caring. Even if it means I get rageful a lot...

I'm not sure I understand what you're saying about the "feminist thing going on in the threads"? All I really saw were people condemning thenyxie for her overblown and irrational reaction (and fauxpology) to people calling her out on her actions.

[transitorial.livejournal.com]

I knew, somehow, that this was going to be what you were linking to. Not even my fandom, but I ended up finding it on one of my crawls, and...no. Not okay at all.

An author I usually enjoy occasionally has characters in her fic make statements that really trigger my 'dude no' response, and I'm still at a loss as to how to explain it to her in a way that properly expresses why it bugs me. This is just more reason for me to figure out how to phrase it.

[meritjubet.livejournal.com]

So different from my con experiences. I wish it could be a safe place (Take Back the Con?). Even if they had some idea of what they were getting into, the moment they were discomforted and wanted to leave, they should have every right to and not to be judged. Sigh. Like you said, the SPN fandom seems to responding well to the situation.

[forochel.livejournal.com]

NO WHERE IS SAFE. NO WHERE.


/barricades doors


but, yeah. reading meta-ish stuff like this always makes me want to go and ... read yotsuba. or watch chii's sweet home. SWEET INNOCENT SIMPLICITY, PLEASE.