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I don't believe in LJ-cuts on my birthday!
Today is my birthday, so apologies that this post is going to be all about me.
I think, well - I know, that sometimes on this journey of life, I get sidetracked by doubts and misery and fear of the future. There are a lot of things that anger me in this world, in my life too, or disappoint me or leave me wishing if only. But sometimes - more often - I need to sit back and think about how ridiculously beautiful my life is, in little details, in things that make me smile, in hopes and dreams and possibilities - in people.
Where do I begin?
With the newest and shiniest, I suppose, endlessly distracting and happy-making: Inception fandom. I have![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bookshop to flail with, whose sheer energy and joy and love for this fandom is, as I've told her, contagious and ridiculous and wonderful. I get to read the hilarious, creative, sometimes-breathtaking fic by weatherfront (artist author formerly known as superanon), and moreover get to talk to her as - what is this? - a friend. There is this entire gigantic fandom that tirelessly churns out fic and fanworks and meta and squee. How could I not be lost in this, happily? After all, it brought back moonythestrals, lost from fandom to the real world, whose birthday I share, who comes back sporadically to be the full-on definition of AWESOME and always leaves me with a stupid grin on my face. (Happiest of happy birthdays, Kyle. ♥)
Then there are all the memories and experiences of kpop, lingering in the relationships that I still cherish. There isthundersquall, who tweets me pictures of Donghae or Haesica even though I'm not in kpop anymore - who thinks of me and makes me smile with the size of her heart (so much love to give). In my life I have catskilt and pregnantcigar, whose love of EunHae I may never comprehend, but who know how to enjoy fandom for the joy it brings. There is talented, creative coley_merrin, who always fills me with Qmi love (even after fandom!) who cooks and bakes to levels I can only envy. (And of course lb_x, another delightfully lovely person whose cooking & baking skills I also envy.)
There ishoyah, lovely Mai, who still remains to this one of the nicest people I know (and I mean this in all the best ways), who is thoughtful and considerate and likes to talk meta with me (and should update me more about her life in Korea, heh). There is the beautiful jaded_skys, living a dream life, but so grounded in what is important, who makes me happy just because I know her. And of course, hyperballad, who is tiny and speaks more Korean than I do and coyotecolored, who is the opposite of tiny and amazingly talented - the girls who helped make my 2009 Seoul trip unforgettable. taylormercury, who has come through things I could never imagine and with so much more strength and aplomb than I could hope. And black_goose, who is brilliant and creative and a gorgeous writer, who is passionate and who makes me nostalgic, because I can trace the steps of our entire relationship.
Then there isch_ar_me, who flails with me about a stupendously broad range of topics: football and tennis and manga and who shares with me a not-so-shameful love of plaid. Because she is the one I go to when I want to express my ridiculously giant crush on Adam Lambert or Kris Allen. There is padattack, who is all growing up and living the real college life now, who fangirls with a passion and who feeds my SPN/J2 love. There is starflower135, whose excitement over Sherlock is contagious and fun, who is a dear, who loves to share, who makes me sort of just smile helplessly all the time.
Anddelocalised, who is my favorite footie girl, even though we support rival teams (YNWA, bitch!), because we can bond over the stupidly true tan-and-religious love that is CRonaldo/Kaká. Who flails with me about Torres and tolerates my every "Steeeeeeevieee, on my TV!" and makes me smile with how gorgeous she is, inside and out, and still so young. Ma belle cherie, who is brilliant, who sends me McFly when I arbitrarily decide to love them, and thinks about the world, and needs to sleep more. You are so much that makes me smile, lovely.
transitorial, whom I adore more and more the more I know her - strong and loving and, like any of us, trying to forge a way in this world. mardigrasmaven, whom the world knocks down but who gets right the fuck back up, who makes me so damned proud to know her, who loves her city, her friends, her family so fiercely. vowel, who continues to terrify me with how young she is (but baby you can come to me, I did promise!).
risabet, meritjubet, from opposite corners of the world, suffering the study of law with me, and the sweetest of souls, both of them - and oh so smart. konnistique, who celebrates the beautiful girls with me, and proudfoot, who delights me stupid with our shared appreciation of a finely-written regency romance novel. aisutennyo, whose life is like ten different romantic comedies, who is absolutely gorgeous through and through. svz_insanity, the girl I watched grow up, who is going to own Hong Kong with her fantasticness.
less, to whom I will always be a cup of tea. naninande, who is genuinely one of the best people I have ever met in kpop fandom, who is unapologetically herself, who makes me question myself, who deserves sparkles and hearts and a world bending to her will. sapphynashi, whom I've known for so many years now, and whose happiness in Akame draws me back like a moth to a flame, even when I know, know I shouldn't. And receipt - ♥♥♥
How can I even begin to tell what these people mean to me?papered, who is made of tea and demands I hold her hand through everything, but who holds my hand in return. filterpaper, my honeybunch, my Toripuppy, who talks life and politics and world issues with me, who talks make-up and silly boys and movies with me. She paints her nails and dreams about China and is more than words could ever say to me. intomorning, who is everything I admire and everything I empathize with, growing pains and self-doubts, and a heart so big I want to wrap my arms around it. (Pretend that sounds less creepy.) Who is there for everything, silly and serious and Chris Pine-ish. 2naonh3_cl2 who talks to me on the phone for hours about everything and anything, real life complaints and fandom stuff, about family and fic recs and everything in between.
How do I talk about how lucky I am forsuxing, who drives me crazy with how much I love her, a celebration of everything she is and believes and hopes (永远支持你), and swingingstars, my beautiful little sister who is in so many ways older than me, dreaming big and planning for her future?
peachgirldb, who knows she can come to me for whatever, whenever, whose hand I want to hold when I can do nothing more than listen. Who knows what it's like when everything is the opposite of perfect, who knows (I hope) how much I admire her, respect her, trust her.
thyme_hawthorne, who ran away with my heart years ago into the wilderness of Idaho and never came back with it, but I will dream and hope forever and bend the world to my will. She will, one day, be mine again.
conspiire, who left me and came back, who teaches me all things football-related, who slays me with her wit, impresses me with her ridiculous intelligence, and infects me with her Liverpool and Spain and Rafa biases. Who has helped shaped who I am in so many ways and left so many marks over the years.
efio_47, who links me to Youtube parodies and goes to the beach with me and amazes me with her sheer creativity and talent in handicrafts and food, but who is so technically scientificially smart, engaged in the world, so much more of an adult than I dare to be right now, even when she is younger than me.
And my beautiful, beloved Extended Family - a tangle of everything that has been and is and might possibly be. I will still dream of that photo being taken one day, all of us together.forochel and nightengale and kasugai_gummie, I love you. danii06, lil_blossom, birdscore, goodbye2thesky (wherever you may be now, dearest Wai) - I love you.
To say nothing of the people in my life who don't even have LJs. But for now, for here, this is about me (I told you this post would be all about me) - about how generous life has been with amazing people in my life. How lucky I am to know these people, so many other people, who bring so many different things to my life, in big ways and little ways.
What can I say except that I love you and you bring joy to my life and that you are (yes, I've used this world an outrageous number of times in this post but it remains the most accurate of them all) beautiful.
Happy birthday to me. :)
I think, well - I know, that sometimes on this journey of life, I get sidetracked by doubts and misery and fear of the future. There are a lot of things that anger me in this world, in my life too, or disappoint me or leave me wishing if only. But sometimes - more often - I need to sit back and think about how ridiculously beautiful my life is, in little details, in things that make me smile, in hopes and dreams and possibilities - in people.
Where do I begin?
With the newest and shiniest, I suppose, endlessly distracting and happy-making: Inception fandom. I have
bookshop to flail with, whose sheer energy and joy and love for this fandom is, as I've told her, contagious and ridiculous and wonderful. I get to read the hilarious, creative, sometimes-breathtaking fic by weatherfront (moonythestrals, lost from fandom to the real world, whose birthday I share, who comes back sporadically to be the full-on definition of AWESOME and always leaves me with a stupid grin on my face. (Happiest of happy birthdays, Kyle. ♥)Then there are all the memories and experiences of kpop, lingering in the relationships that I still cherish. There is
thundersquall, who tweets me pictures of Donghae or Haesica even though I'm not in kpop anymore - who thinks of me and makes me smile with the size of her heart (so much love to give). In my life I have catskilt and pregnantcigar, whose love of EunHae I may never comprehend, but who know how to enjoy fandom for the joy it brings. There is talented, creative coley_merrin, who always fills me with Qmi love (even after fandom!) who cooks and bakes to levels I can only envy. (And of course lb_x, another delightfully lovely person whose cooking & baking skills I also envy.)There is
hoyah, lovely Mai, who still remains to this one of the nicest people I know (and I mean this in all the best ways), who is thoughtful and considerate and likes to talk meta with me (and should update me more about her life in Korea, heh). There is the beautiful jaded_skys, living a dream life, but so grounded in what is important, who makes me happy just because I know her. And of course, hyperballad, who is tiny and speaks more Korean than I do and coyotecolored, who is the opposite of tiny and amazingly talented - the girls who helped make my 2009 Seoul trip unforgettable. taylormercury, who has come through things I could never imagine and with so much more strength and aplomb than I could hope. And black_goose, who is brilliant and creative and a gorgeous writer, who is passionate and who makes me nostalgic, because I can trace the steps of our entire relationship.Then there is
ch_ar_me, who flails with me about a stupendously broad range of topics: football and tennis and manga and who shares with me a not-so-shameful love of plaid. Because she is the one I go to when I want to express my ridiculously giant crush on Adam Lambert or Kris Allen. There is padattack, who is all growing up and living the real college life now, who fangirls with a passion and who feeds my SPN/J2 love. There is starflower135, whose excitement over Sherlock is contagious and fun, who is a dear, who loves to share, who makes me sort of just smile helplessly all the time.And
delocalised, who is my favorite footie girl, even though we support rival teams (YNWA, bitch!), because we can bond over the stupidly true tan-and-religious love that is CRonaldo/Kaká. Who flails with me about Torres and tolerates my every "Steeeeeeevieee, on my TV!" and makes me smile with how gorgeous she is, inside and out, and still so young. Ma belle cherie, who is brilliant, who sends me McFly when I arbitrarily decide to love them, and thinks about the world, and needs to sleep more. You are so much that makes me smile, lovely.transitorial, whom I adore more and more the more I know her - strong and loving and, like any of us, trying to forge a way in this world. mardigrasmaven, whom the world knocks down but who gets right the fuck back up, who makes me so damned proud to know her, who loves her city, her friends, her family so fiercely. vowel, who continues to terrify me with how young she is (but baby you can come to me, I did promise!).risabet, meritjubet, from opposite corners of the world, suffering the study of law with me, and the sweetest of souls, both of them - and oh so smart. konnistique, who celebrates the beautiful girls with me, and proudfoot, who delights me stupid with our shared appreciation of a finely-written regency romance novel. aisutennyo, whose life is like ten different romantic comedies, who is absolutely gorgeous through and through. svz_insanity, the girl I watched grow up, who is going to own Hong Kong with her fantasticness.less, to whom I will always be a cup of tea. naninande, who is genuinely one of the best people I have ever met in kpop fandom, who is unapologetically herself, who makes me question myself, who deserves sparkles and hearts and a world bending to her will. sapphynashi, whom I've known for so many years now, and whose happiness in Akame draws me back like a moth to a flame, even when I know, know I shouldn't. And receipt - ♥♥♥ How can I even begin to tell what these people mean to me?
papered, who is made of tea and demands I hold her hand through everything, but who holds my hand in return. filterpaper, my honeybunch, my Toripuppy, who talks life and politics and world issues with me, who talks make-up and silly boys and movies with me. She paints her nails and dreams about China and is more than words could ever say to me. intomorning, who is everything I admire and everything I empathize with, growing pains and self-doubts, and a heart so big I want to wrap my arms around it. (Pretend that sounds less creepy.) Who is there for everything, silly and serious and Chris Pine-ish. 2naonh3_cl2 who talks to me on the phone for hours about everything and anything, real life complaints and fandom stuff, about family and fic recs and everything in between. How do I talk about how lucky I am for
suxing, who drives me crazy with how much I love her, a celebration of everything she is and believes and hopes (永远支持你), and swingingstars, my beautiful little sister who is in so many ways older than me, dreaming big and planning for her future? peachgirldb, who knows she can come to me for whatever, whenever, whose hand I want to hold when I can do nothing more than listen. Who knows what it's like when everything is the opposite of perfect, who knows (I hope) how much I admire her, respect her, trust her. thyme_hawthorne, who ran away with my heart years ago into the wilderness of Idaho and never came back with it, but I will dream and hope forever and bend the world to my will. She will, one day, be mine again.conspiire, who left me and came back, who teaches me all things football-related, who slays me with her wit, impresses me with her ridiculous intelligence, and infects me with her Liverpool and Spain and Rafa biases. Who has helped shaped who I am in so many ways and left so many marks over the years.efio_47, who links me to Youtube parodies and goes to the beach with me and amazes me with her sheer creativity and talent in handicrafts and food, but who is so technically scientificially smart, engaged in the world, so much more of an adult than I dare to be right now, even when she is younger than me.And my beautiful, beloved Extended Family - a tangle of everything that has been and is and might possibly be. I will still dream of that photo being taken one day, all of us together.
forochel and nightengale and kasugai_gummie, I love you. danii06, lil_blossom, birdscore, goodbye2thesky (wherever you may be now, dearest Wai) - I love you. To say nothing of the people in my life who don't even have LJs. But for now, for here, this is about me (I told you this post would be all about me) - about how generous life has been with amazing people in my life. How lucky I am to know these people, so many other people, who bring so many different things to my life, in big ways and little ways.
What can I say except that I love you and you bring joy to my life and that you are (yes, I've used this world an outrageous number of times in this post but it remains the most accurate of them all) beautiful.
Happy birthday to me. :)
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