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fandom is where i dream, and dream bigger still
Reread So Wise We Grow instead of sleeping (poor life decisions, I excel at them sometimes) and it makes me crave even more lengthy, plotty, wonderful K/S fic. I also read the sequel, which was posted two days ago (short 2.4k one-shot) and wept and wept and wept. It destroys souls. If you want to read it, read the warnings first.
Law school is still keeping me busy (stress!) but I thought I'd drop a line on two posts that struck a chord with me:
(1) In light of the recent FictionAlley debacle,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seperis commented on the prevalence of fandom to self-hate. (Note: she in no way agrees with or is condoning what FA has done; read her own disclaimers.)
I don't really have the energy to talk about my emotional response to that other than to say it rang a bell-- I've seen it. I've done it. I've felt this way, like I need to hide what I like, and felt this way, in that I don't understand why sports fans get to be just if not more fanatic and it's "okay" but what we do and what we like is not.
Sometimes I am ashamed of fandom's shame for itself; sometimes it just makes me really sad, because I've felt that way too. It's undeniable that fandom has some horrible parts and unpleasant people and awful things, but on the whole I wouldn't still be in fandom if there weren't something more. Thus, the second post. It's old, from 2006, and I remember when it was first posted and got linked everywhere. In fact, I still keep a link to it in my journal because it's a reminder of why I'm still here:
(2)hesychasm talks about what fandom is:
You know, I wouldn't be who I am without all of you (all y'all folks~). I'm glad for you and glad that I know you. ♥
Appropriate music is appropriate? You've changed my ordinary life (a holiday) / And all the people in the world look happy (I wanna thank you baby) ♪
Law school is still keeping me busy (stress!) but I thought I'd drop a line on two posts that struck a chord with me:
(1) In light of the recent FictionAlley debacle,
seperis commented on the prevalence of fandom to self-hate. (Note: she in no way agrees with or is condoning what FA has done; read her own disclaimers.)"It's not that I have ever been completely oblivious to internalized shame or the fact as a group we are not overly eager to gain a spotlight in the public eye or not exactly thrilled every time mainstream media and some academics psychoanalyze or Jane Goodall us in the spirit of being open-minded about how we're all crazy lonely teenage middle aged middle class white housewives who want to fuck RPatz and own fifty cats blah fucking blah. Shock me; we are not huge fans of being the object of mockery and pity and derision from people who find the idea of what we do icky and weird and without monetary value (and therefore no value at all) because what we need is a deep dicking or a real life or a job or a family. People can and do make you ashamed of what you do, are, because we're human and we can do our best to fight it but man do we have bad days. But tentatively, and I am perfectly willing to be called on it if I'm oversimplifying or engaging in inflammatory rhetoric about something so terribly unimportant, adopting and supporting those attitudes while being in the community and engaging in community endeavors is a very high form of asshole.
[...]
Being ashamed because mainstream values say we are freaks and our work has no value while acknowledging mainstream values are fucked up and working to overcome the internalization is one thing; externalizing that to the point where it's knee-jerk to agree every time someone calls a fanfic writer/artist/vidder/meta writer a [see the paragraph way up there for a complete list; I can't do it again], to actually believe that, isn't ironic realism or showing how really, you are really aware and smart. You are totally nothing like those fangirls who are about porn and stalking (and seriously, I'm so tired of the weight thing it's unreal); you know you suck, and though you're still doing it and everything, it's way superior to those losers who like, don't get how loser they are. You acknowledge you do worthless things and that makes it okay.
I was thinking I'd be angry about it; after everything I read today (in the last year, five years, ten years), Christ, it's like watching performance flagellation, but then it occurred to me; this is fandom and we shape our fandom experience to please ourselves. I can't sit here and say that just because you hold all of it and its people and works in utter contempt, you're doing it wrong. This is your fannish experience and this is how you are happiest engaging in it; be happy."
--Full post here.
I don't really have the energy to talk about my emotional response to that other than to say it rang a bell-- I've seen it. I've done it. I've felt this way, like I need to hide what I like, and felt this way, in that I don't understand why sports fans get to be just if not more fanatic and it's "okay" but what we do and what we like is not.
Sometimes I am ashamed of fandom's shame for itself; sometimes it just makes me really sad, because I've felt that way too. It's undeniable that fandom has some horrible parts and unpleasant people and awful things, but on the whole I wouldn't still be in fandom if there weren't something more. Thus, the second post. It's old, from 2006, and I remember when it was first posted and got linked everywhere. In fact, I still keep a link to it in my journal because it's a reminder of why I'm still here:
(2)
hesychasm talks about what fandom is:"Fandom is focus. Fandom is obsession. Fandom is insatiable consumption. Fandom is sitting for hours in front of a TV screen a movie screen a computer screen with a comic book a novel on your lap. Fandom is eyestrain and carpal tunnel syndrome and not enough exercise and staying up way, way past your bedtime.
[...]
Fandom is creating. Fandom is drawing, painting, vidding: nine seasons in four minutes of love. Fandom is words, language, authoring. Fandom is essays, stories, betas, parodies, filks, zines, usenet posts, blog posts, message board posts, emails, chats, petitions, wank, concrit, feedback, recs. Fandom is writing for the first time since you were twelve. Fandom is finally calling yourself a writer.
Fandom is signal and response. Fandom is a stranger moving you to tears, anger, laughter. Fandom is you moving a stranger to speak.
Fandom is distraction. Fandom is endangering your job, your grades, your relationships, your bank account. Fandom gets no work done. Fandom is too much work. Fandom was/is just a phase. Fandom could never be just a phase. Fandom is where you found a friend, a sister, a kindred spirit. Fandom is where you found a talent, a love, a reason.
Fandom is where you found yourself."
--Full post here.
You know, I wouldn't be who I am without all of you (all y'all folks~). I'm glad for you and glad that I know you. ♥
Appropriate music is appropriate? You've changed my ordinary life (a holiday) / And all the people in the world look happy (I wanna thank you baby) ♪
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Fandom is many things, and I am glad to be here, with you. ♥
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Definitely true! I think I followed a lot of your experience in my life too, though I had a number of fannish friends while younger. We all sort of just kept it in our little group. A lot of our comfort now probably has to do with realizing just how broad fandom is (and ho wit offers so much more than just fic or porn) and also just being more comfortable with who we are as people. If someone doesn't get it, doesn't like it, wants to judge me? Fine. I don't need their fucking approval to do something that makes me happy and that doesn't hurt anyone else, you know?
FA was right in that they had the right to submit their bid - they qualified under Pepsi's requirements. Most people acknowledged this, I think. The displeasure/rage (that I saw) mostly concerned the fact that FA would enter at all and, yes, the rest of your comment. Though they've officially withdrawn now.
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I finished reading So Wise We Grow a few days ago and just read the linked sequel now. it is heartbreaking, and the only reason I'm not sobbing is because my cousin is next to me. /wants more longfics forever, *__*
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hmm not sure which h/d classics I should start with. I haven't read Underwater Light in forever, maybe that? Or something else...
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But really glad you could get something out of the links too! No regrets. :) Make your fandom experience what you want it to be -- make it happy!
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Also, there are studies that have shown that fanfiction is beneficial to learning English, especially for ESLs. So technically HP fanfiction does have educational qualities. Still doesn't justify FA's actions but my point is that fanfiction actually does have a lot of potential for education.
So I realise this post isn't actually about FA but... yeah. Needed a place to say it and I didn't want to get wanked on in sf_drama. :| Sadly enough.
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Ah yes, I agree. I've learned a ton from fanfic, and not just kinky pop culture things haha. But that is not exactly what FA was doing, as you said. And it's not that they couldn't apply, since they did qualify, only that their motives were a bit...hm. Well. You know.
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So yeah. Let's be happy!
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also, oh capitalism. (re: the de/valuation of activities)
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It's so true though, isn't it? Let's just do things we like for the joy we get out of them, I say. o/
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mei i finished crotcheting my ninja (http://www.flickr.com/photos/33353666@N08/5152291781/) :3 it is a thing that gave me joy! :3
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