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it's like the opposite of Jenga
Having been watching Running Man nonstop over the weekend, I've been immersed in the general-Asian-culture specific-Korean-culture attitudes towards social hierarchies and the carefully delineated relationships of respect between people of different ages, or between people who essentially "came first" and "came later". Much of the older-sibling/younger sibling as well as the sunbae/hoobae relationship originates from one idea: respect for those who have more experience than you, as in those born before you or those who, for example, debuted before you. It makes sense to me in a lot of ways. It makes me envious in a lot of ways, as I've posted about before, oh, five years ago or so. Some part of me wishes for that kind of structure because it comes with an ingrained sense of knowing where you belong: between those who came before and those who came after. You know what to expect: respect from those younger, respect for those older; giving advice and taking care of those younger, following advice and learning from those older.
I'm not so blind to realize there are restrictions to that kind of system that I wouldn't be blissfully happy with, such as the difficulty in making friendships across age (or other) barriers, or being faced with obligations one may not actually enjoy (e.g., holding your tongue against people you don't actually like, unable to be honest, restricted by social mandates from nonconforming, etc.). So I only wistfully think about how I'd like a culture like that while retaining all the benefits of living in a culture like mine (whatever that is) and trying to remind myself to be grateful for what I have, because it wouldn't be until I lost certain freedoms that I realized just how precious those freedoms were to me. Really, I promise am not so blind.
But immersion in that hyung-dongsaeng relationship via Running Man did throw me when I caught a rerun of The Voice over the weekend and wondered at the dynamics between Blake, Christina, Adam, and Cee Lo. Christina is sunbae to all of them by debut, if not age, but Western celebrity culture boasts very little of that rigid social hierarchy; while there's a measure of respect for those who came before, on the whole, respect is earned individually, through that individual's actions and achievements. It doesn't matter who debuted first; it only matters what you've achieved. How other people relate to you depends (mostly) on how you relate to them. Perhaps that is the better system, in the end. Perhaps it depends on the individual. Perhaps it depends on societal norms. Maybe there is no "better", only "different".
Either way, it was interesting for me to think about, how cultural expectations differ and how they shape our own expectations. It makes me wonder how it all fits into the narrative of the Asian-American experience, too. We talk a lot about being brought up by two cultures (especially in all those college essays, hah), but at least for me, the Chinese aspect of respecting elders never rose quite to the level demanded by Japan or Korea, at least in terms of formally defined terms and relationships. Yet maybe there is something transcendental about those core "Asian" beliefs that makes it easier for me to want that kind of social conformity, which is weird, because another part of me is very, very liberal about fundamental human rights and how cultural differences can't erase those rights inherent to the individual.
At the same time, I can't blindly believe that the good for one individual automatically trumps than the good of the whole. There's murky middle ground between the two extremes and I'm wandering around somewhere there and unlikely to find my position anytime soon.
My thoughts have petered out somewhat. Let me conclude by saying that I forget Joongki, the baby of the Running Man cast and absolutely adorable (on top of being a good actor and smart to boot), is actually two years older than me. (I guess it would be inappropriate for me to want you to call me noona? It's okay, I have all of SHINee and, hell, even all of Big Bang for that, as well as about every other new kpop group ever. Gross.) But, oppa, you're so precious! I really just want to squeeze you and cuddle your babyface! ;A;
(That was an exercise in ironic fangirling, just for the record.)
I'm not so blind to realize there are restrictions to that kind of system that I wouldn't be blissfully happy with, such as the difficulty in making friendships across age (or other) barriers, or being faced with obligations one may not actually enjoy (e.g., holding your tongue against people you don't actually like, unable to be honest, restricted by social mandates from nonconforming, etc.). So I only wistfully think about how I'd like a culture like that while retaining all the benefits of living in a culture like mine (whatever that is) and trying to remind myself to be grateful for what I have, because it wouldn't be until I lost certain freedoms that I realized just how precious those freedoms were to me. Really, I promise am not so blind.
But immersion in that hyung-dongsaeng relationship via Running Man did throw me when I caught a rerun of The Voice over the weekend and wondered at the dynamics between Blake, Christina, Adam, and Cee Lo. Christina is sunbae to all of them by debut, if not age, but Western celebrity culture boasts very little of that rigid social hierarchy; while there's a measure of respect for those who came before, on the whole, respect is earned individually, through that individual's actions and achievements. It doesn't matter who debuted first; it only matters what you've achieved. How other people relate to you depends (mostly) on how you relate to them. Perhaps that is the better system, in the end. Perhaps it depends on the individual. Perhaps it depends on societal norms. Maybe there is no "better", only "different".
Either way, it was interesting for me to think about, how cultural expectations differ and how they shape our own expectations. It makes me wonder how it all fits into the narrative of the Asian-American experience, too. We talk a lot about being brought up by two cultures (especially in all those college essays, hah), but at least for me, the Chinese aspect of respecting elders never rose quite to the level demanded by Japan or Korea, at least in terms of formally defined terms and relationships. Yet maybe there is something transcendental about those core "Asian" beliefs that makes it easier for me to want that kind of social conformity, which is weird, because another part of me is very, very liberal about fundamental human rights and how cultural differences can't erase those rights inherent to the individual.
At the same time, I can't blindly believe that the good for one individual automatically trumps than the good of the whole. There's murky middle ground between the two extremes and I'm wandering around somewhere there and unlikely to find my position anytime soon.
My thoughts have petered out somewhat. Let me conclude by saying that I forget Joongki, the baby of the Running Man cast and absolutely adorable (on top of being a good actor and smart to boot), is actually two years older than me. (I guess it would be inappropriate for me to want you to call me noona? It's okay, I have all of SHINee and, hell, even all of Big Bang for that, as well as about every other new kpop group ever. Gross.) But, oppa, you're so precious! I really just want to squeeze you and cuddle your babyface! ;A;
(That was an exercise in ironic fangirling, just for the record.)
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I agree that it is a case of the grass looking greener, and while I don't know how it is from the Asian American perspective, I suspect it is a case of this on both sides of the fence.
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I love Kpop, and dramas and Korean variety shows, but they also show only one side of things and if you watch them long enough you/me/we tend to believe that what you see is for the most part how it is. Kind of the way that if you watch American tv, people believe that Black folk are all thugs and drug dealers and junkies. That Asian - American folk are all short with coke bottle glasses who either own a laundry or are deliverymen and/or are all brilliant and at the head of their class.
Movies sometimes tell a different perspective and movie writers/directors seem to want to tell more truth. I watch Korean movies and see more familiar scenes. Scenes that remind me thankfully that this culture that is brand new to me is made up of people. People alot like me. People who are rude and disrespectful at times, people who are lazy and people who aren't. People who are inspiring and lovely and some who aren't. People. Essentially, no matter where we come from are the same.
Then I realize they are looking, listening to Beyonce and Jay Z and Maroon 5 and Bruno Mars etc... and I wondered too what they think when they listen to music from around the world. How does it grab their attention and what does it make them want/dream of?
I didn't think I was going to go into this whole long answer...hope it made sense...
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personal musing aside, I know what you mean about the comfort of having a distinct place and structure!! it's kind of like a sonnet. though probably not if you're really low down in that structure. so I suppose that's where the human rights thing comes in ... if you were entitled to protection by pure dint of your position in that hierarchy, though, would that also be comforting, or taking away your agency, or both? I don't know. maybe a measure of flexibility within that structure? now I really want to write fic exploring that...
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So at least for me, everything is sort of mixed bag of Chinese and American influences, and I always wonder what it's like to grow up in solely one culture instead of a mix of two. I wonder, but I don't necessarily think it would've been better, in the end. I do think I've benefited from my hyphenated-culture experience, lol, but you know, like the commenter above said: grass is always greener on the other side, etc.
I always support writing of fic! Especially by other people.