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this is such an inappropriate post, honestly
So there's this dude, right? Eric Staal, captain of my Canes, captain of my heart, etc.
Every time I see him, he makes me feel like this:
YEAH. WHAT IS SELF-RESPECT. I DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' SELF-RESPECT. ERIC STAAL IS PERFECT. ERIC STAAL FOR PRESIDENT.
He has a lot of thoughtful faces:
He has a lot of brothers too:
He is a total troll:
And he is the frat president of my heart (and also of my frat AU):
(This sub-section brought to you by the letters T, M & I)
The entirety of hockey just screams GIANT FRATHOUSE to me. Some fratty inspirations, for example, brought to you by Patrick Kane, Tyler Seguin, Jonathan Toews, and TJ Oshie:
This is Jeff, the freshman pledge:
This is Jeff, the freshman pledge, wasted:
Here's a pointless snippet of fic out of what I've written (in my head, their frat is in Raleigh or thereabouts because fuck yeah Carolina):
In conclusion:
Every time I see him, he makes me feel like this:
YEAH. WHAT IS SELF-RESPECT. I DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' SELF-RESPECT. ERIC STAAL IS PERFECT. ERIC STAAL FOR PRESIDENT.
He has a lot of thoughtful faces:
He has a lot of brothers too:
He is a total troll:
And he is the frat president of my heart (and also of my frat AU):
(This sub-section brought to you by the letters T, M & I)
meiface: so sometimes in pics where you can see his hands
i stare at his fingers
and then my mind goes to really really bad places
I nearly spit out my drink
choooking
The entirety of hockey just screams GIANT FRATHOUSE to me. Some fratty inspirations, for example, brought to you by Patrick Kane, Tyler Seguin, Jonathan Toews, and TJ Oshie:
This is Jeff, the freshman pledge:
This is Jeff, the freshman pledge, wasted:
Here's a pointless snippet of fic out of what I've written (in my head, their frat is in Raleigh or thereabouts because fuck yeah Carolina):
It’s not like Eric takes a look at the freshies rushing Nu Theta Lambda and goes, hell yeah, I want to bang that baby-faced one over in the corner with the dimples and the curls. That’s the way Jordan tells it once he finds out - and Eric is still groaning over the shitshow that led to that revelation - but Jordan’s an asshole and no one should listen to him, ever. Because, seriously, Eric didn’t. He’s the president of Nu this year and he’s taking that responsibility seriously; they had a good rush, lots of alcohol, lots of interested turnout, and he likes the guys they ended up offering bids to. All of them, not just the fucking adorable one from Toronto with a tendency to poke his pink tongue out of his mouth when he’s nervous or thoughtful.
“The one who looks like he’s sixteen,” Marc comments mildly, but there’s amusement lurking beneath his voice at Eric’s expense and Eric hates younger siblings, he really does. He’d kick them all out of Nu if he could. He’s totally assigning them the worst house duties for the entire year. Bathroom clean-up, he thinks with satisfaction.
“He’s eighteen,” Eric says firmly. “And it’s not like that.”
“At least you won’t go to jail for statutory,” Jordan says. “Think about what an awful image that would be for Nu. National would kick your ass. Also,” he adds thoughtfully, “Mom would kill you.”
“It’s not like that,” Eric repeats, because his brothers are dumb. “And anyway, Mom likes me best.”
“Dream on,” Marc scoffs.
“I think Jared’s her favorite, actually,” Jordan says, shaking his head woefully.
“Ahem,” says Johnny, and the Staals collectively turn towards him. He raises an eyebrow. “If we could get this chapter meeting started.”
Eric feels slightly guilty. “Right.” Tazer’s a great guy and he’s not as uptight as he appears once you get him loosened up (translation: wasted), but as VP he’s pretty much the worst. He’s just so damned serious and focused and just on top of his shit that he makes Eric feel like a total slacker - which is unfair because Eric is a great president. He knows what he’s doing. It’s the rest of the house that’s a goddamn mess.
In conclusion:
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I would read sooooo much porn about Eric Staal fingering ladies. esp if he was fingering a girl and showing Jeff how to get her off.
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*_______________*
I think my brain just had an orgasm.
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Jeff looks a little mad, but she gets it before Jeff does. She laughs and flirts back, and then, when Jeff's relaxed again, says, "So how about we get out of here?"
Jeff's eyes widen. "All - I - all three of us?"
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YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO CONTINUE THIS, YES PLEASE?
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"Drive to my place," Eric says. "Spare key's under the mailbox. We'll catch up in awhile."
"Right," Jeff says, sounding dazed.
"Think he'll actually do it?" the woman, Wendy, says.
"He follows through," Eric says. "You know we're -"
"Hockey players?" She smiles a little. "I hadn't missed it."
"Oh, okay," Eric says.
He sticks around and flirts with her for awhile, then finally says, "So. Want to go home with me?"
She outright laughs at him. "You have terrible game," she says, but she's grabbing her purse. Eric braces a hand on the small of her back and follows her out, ignoring the way the guys look at him.
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Wendy is so, so lucky
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She laughs and steps forward, kissing him.
She's good at it, and she tucks her hands in his back pockets and presses up against him. Eric kisses back, letting himself get a little lost in how she tastes, the softness of her hair.
Then he hears a strangled noise and pulls back to see Jeff standing there, eyes wide. "I," Jeff says. "Should I go?"
"Why do you think we came back here?" Wendy says before Eric can talk. "Come here."
Jeff's only a little taller than she is, but his hands look big when they settle on her hips. He kisses her tentatively, opening his eyes halfway through to look over at Eric.
Who's not just going to stand there like an idiot. "Like this," Eric says, bracing a hand on the back of Jeff's head. He pulls Wendy away gently, kissing her - deeper and a little harder than Jeff was.
"Oh," Jeff says faintly.
"Why don't we take this to your room?" Wendy says to Eric.
They walk upstairs with Jeff in the middle. When they get there, Eric says, "Okay, Jeff. Kiss her."
Jeff's kicked off his shoes at some point along the way, and now he anchors his feet in the carpet and pulls Wendy close again. This time he imitates Eric, kissing aggressively - and Wendy matches him, pushing him back against the door.
"Take her shirt off," Eric says, keeping his voice low and calm. When Jeff does, Eric moves behind her, kissing her bare shoulder and unhooking her bra.
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"Come on, Jeff." Eric lets teasing sneak into his voice. "You've been with women before."
"But -"
"Do what you'd normally do," Eric says, and reaches around to cup the back of Jeff's head, pulling him in to Wendy.
While Jeff kisses her neck, Eric tugs Jeff's shirt off, and then his own. He presses up against Wendy and kisses just under her ear as Jeff leans down and plays with her breasts, saying, "How do you feel about fingering?" He's not usually this smooth, normally can't talk about sex at all, but he's being the adult right now.
"I like it," she says. "Going to teach your boy here how?"
"Oh, I'm not," Jeff says quickly.
She laughs a little. "Right," she says, and kisses him.
It's a nice visual. Eric wasn't thinking - about Jeff. Not like that, anyway. But he can't help but do it now, with Jeff kissing back, his cheeks flushed and his hands firm against her hips. Eric rubs a hand over the front of his jeans, then takes it away, resting his hand over Jeff's on Wendy.
That makes Jeff jump. Eric smiles, hoping he looks confident. "Pants off, Skins," he says. "I'll take care of the lady."
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I expect Wendy will get some too. :DDDDD
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She's not shy. She props herself up on her elbows and splays her legs, looking between them with a smile on her face. Eric glaces over at Jeff and - Jesus. He's hard, and staring at Wendy like someone's hit him with a two-by-four. "Try to look like you know what you're doing," Eric says, and Jeff looks over at him.
Eric's not expecting Jeff to check him out, but that's what happens. Then Jeff squares his shoulders and a familiar expression of determination comes over his face. "Show me," he says.
"Get on the bed," Eric says. Jeff does, and takes the opportunity to kiss Wendy again, skimming a hand down her side and slipping between her thighs. He doesn't go for it, though, not right away; good instincts, Eric thinks, watching Jeff hold onto her thigh and press her down into the bed.
Jeff looks up when Eric gets on the bed, too, but he doesn't move away. "Good," Eric says, and rests his hand on the back of Jeff's neck again. Jeff's moving a little, just enough to get some friction himself. He's so fucking young, and for a minute it makes Eric's stomach twist; but they've got a beautiful woman between them, and Eric has a job to do.
"She likes being fingered," he says. The words feel strange to say. "Tease her at first. Ask her what feels good."
"Is this," Jeff says, swallowing as he traces a finger around her pussy, very lightly. "Does that feel good?"
She looks like she might laugh, but she saves them all from an embarrassing moment by pulling Jeff in and kissing him as she arches her hips against his hand. "Why don't you show him first?" she says when she pulls away, looking over at Eric.
That's not a bad idea, actually. "Right," Eric says. He kisses her as Jeff sits away, then runs a hand over her thigh, just barely brushing against her pussy. "Girls - women - you can get them off, and they'll go again," Eric says, kissing Wendy's neck. "So..." He presses the heel of his hand against Wendy's clit and then slowly, carefully at an angle so Jeff can see, presses a finger inside.
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"But it's not hard," Eric says. He swallows hard, forcing himself to stay focused. "See?" He rubs his thumb over her clit. Jeff's eyes flicker up and down her body as she moves. Eric leans up and kisses her then, slowly, fucking her with his tongue in the same rhythm his finger's using. When she starts rocking a little more urgently, he pulls back and says, "It takes some women longer than others to be ready, but if she wants more, give it to her."
"And believe me," Wendy says, voice a little husky, "I want more."
Eric slides a second finger inside her. Jeff's hands tighten on the bed a little as he watches Wendy thrust up against Eric's hand. Eric presses down on her clit a little harder, drawing tiny circles. "Play with her clit," Eric says. "And her breasts, everywhere you can reach. This is about getting her off." He leans down and drags his tongue over her nipple, sucking it into his mouth. She tightens around his fingers. and then her hand is in his hair. He pulls off to smile up at her, then kisses her and thrusts his fingers into her, hard.
"And then you try to find her -" He can't bring himself to say "g-spot". "Spot," he says lamely. "Inside." He presses in and curves his fingers, and she moves with him, until -
"Fuck yeah," she says, hips thrusting sharply.
"Don't stop paying attention to her clit," Eric says, but it's becoming harder and harder to do the verbal part of things, between the way Jeff's looking at his hand and the way Wendy's moving against him. He buries his face in Wendy's neck and moves with her, hips thrusting shallowly against the bed as her movements get more and more erratic. He's surprised when she pants, "Another, come on, add another," but he does it right away, and she fucks herself on his hand, free hand clenching Jeff's wrist so tightly her knuckles are white, until a bare minute later she's coming hard.
"Oh," Jeff says. "Oh, wow."
"Yeah," Wendy says, smiling. "You could say that."
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"Come here, kid," she says, pulling him down onto her. Eric gets out of the way quickly, so that he's only just touching Jeff, his hand splayed on Wendy's stomach.
He watches as they kiss, as she tangles her fingers in Jeff's hair. It looks good, especially the way Jeff lets her guide his head as they kiss. After a minute, Wendy pulls away and whispers something in Jeff's ear.
Jeff gulps, audibly gulps, then says, "I - sure."
When Wendy looks at Eric, her eyes are practically sparkling. "Teach your boy how to eat women out," she says,with way more ease than he could ever imagine.
"Right," Eric says. "Jeff, have you -"
Jeff shakes his head, two spots of color appearing on his cheeks.
"Okay," Eric says. Jesus, why is that hot? "Come here."
Jeff does, but he looks more nervous than Eric generally wants someone to be during sex, so he reaches out and rubs his thumb over Jeff's collarbone, holding onto his shoulder. "Jeff. You'll be fine."
Jeff looks up at him and smiles a little. It's nervous, lopsided, but Eric's stomach tightens a little and he smiles back.
"It's kind of like kissing," Eric says. "Come on." He guides Jeff down, then says, "Lick her. Like you would with your fingers."
He does - tentatively, then a little harder as Wendy responds. "You can, with your fingers," Eric says. "Run your tongue over her clit."
Jeff does it. When Wendy moves against him, he moves with her, fucking her shallowly with a finger, just like Eric did. Eric leans up and kisses Wendy slowly as Jeff keeps going, and -
Actually, it's not looking like he needs a ton of instruction, not after Eric's shown him how to pay attention to her responses. When he angles his tongue and runs it over her clit and she jerks, he does it again, slipping another finger into her. He's a little clumsy, but Wendy's leaning back and breathing hard, and both of them are flushed. Jeff's obviously into it, too, which makes Eric's hard-on suddenly feel a lot more urgent.
He keeps a lid on it, though, as Wendy moves even more quickly and Jeff's bobbing head gets more urgent. Eric reaches out and plays with her nipples, kissing her neck, and he's not surprised when she says in a tight voice, "Jesus, kid," and goes stiff, coming against them again.
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ALSO I HAVE TO GO TO BED, UGH WORK, BUT PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTINUE ALL THE PORN ♥
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When Jeff pulls away, he's moving restlessly against the bed. "You liked that, huh?" Wendy says.
Jeff nods, and Wendy glances over at Eric. "Condom," she says. Eric leans over and grabs one, passing it to her. "Want to fuck me?" Wendy says, smiling a little.
Jeff glances over at Eric. "Are you - I mean, can you?"
"Sure," Wendy says. "I'm a little tired, but I promise you, I'll enjoy it." She curls a leg around Jeff. "Come on, kid, glove up."
"Uh, right," Jeff says, and fumbles with the condom packet when she tosses it at him.
And then, Jesus, then he's fucking into her and Eric's sitting on the side of the bed jerking himself off and trying not to do anything stupid like come all over the sheets.
Jeff fucks her quickly, and without much rhythm, which is something Eric would tell him to work on if they weren't all on the edge. As it is, Wendy fingers herself and thrusts up against him, and Jeff comes just a few minutes later with a groan, holding himself up on shaking arms.
Wendy rubs her hand over his back and squeezes his ass before coming, too, making a quiet, satisfied noise. Jeff blinks down at her, then pulls out slowly, before looking over at Eric.
Eric's not sure what he sees, but whatever it is makes him blush. "Eric -"
"Why don't you try with him?" Wendy says.
She says it quietly, almost gently. It still makes Eric's hand jerk on his dick. "I'm fine, really," he says, but he knows it's not convincing.
"I can," Jeff says. And then, a little more firmly, "I mean, I have. Before."
"So I won't even have to teach him." Wendy smiles a little. "Come on, guys, give me a show."
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His grip is firm and he's avoiding Eric's eyes, focusing on the task - literally - at hand. Eric thinks about how, if he made that joke, Jeff would giggle and his eyes would crinkle up, and he groans, rocking his hips into Jeff's hand. He can relax now, just enjoy Jeff getting him off, and watch the determined expression on Jeff's face. He's into it, shamefully so, thrusting against Jeff frantically.
"Grab his hair," Wendy says. Eric almost jumps, but he manages not to at the last minute. Instead he tangles his hand in Jeff's hair, not missing the way Jeff presses back against the touch a little.
"Kiss him," Wendy says.
Jeff's hand goes still and he looks up at Eric with wide eyes. "You don't have to," he says quickly, but Eric -
Shit. Eric wants to. And this has already gone beyond the realm of plausible deniability.
So he ducks in and kisses Jeff, hard, letting him feel just how desperate Eric is for it. Jeff's hand starts moving again, faster this time, and he rubs his thumb over the head of Eric's dick and bites his lip.
Eric should be ashamed by how quickly he comes. He's shuddering, slumping forward against Jeff, and Jeff's holding him up and still kissing him like it's all he wants to do. When Eric stops shaking and thrusting his hips, Jeff wipes his hand on the bed and glances over at Wendy. "Um."
She just smiles at him. "Thanks," she says. "That was hot." She pulls Jeff in and kisses him again, one hand cupping his cheek.
Eric doesn't feel possessive or anything. That would be stupid.
"I'm going to go," she says after a few minutes. "Before this gets awkward." She winks at Eric and stands up, gathering her clothes.
"Let me walk you out," Eric says. Jeff moves like he thinks he should be going, but Eric shakes his head at him.
To his surprise, Jeff stays. He's still sitting on the bed when Wendy kisses him goodbye and leaves to grab a cab.
"Hey," Eric says, grabbing the back of his neck and looking at the wall to the left of Jeff.
"That was kind of weird," Jeff says. "Right? Like...that wasn't just, just threesome-weird."
"Kind of, yeah," Eric says.
When Jeff speaks again, his voice is so quiet that Eric can barely hear it. "Can I stay?"
Eric blinks, caught so off-guard that he actually makes eye contact. "What?"
"With you," Jeff says. "I..here."
He's got that stupid, determined look again, the look that's one of many Eric can admit he wants to see every day. "Yeah," he says finally. "Yeah, you can."
So Jeff does.
THE END THANK YOU *BOWS*
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USHER A SHOWno subject
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(That is to say I need more. But it's hard to convey that because there's TONGUE but then it's like...stone faced Tazer... whatever. It's awesome)
THIS IS HOW ERIC FEELS ABOUT TAZER:
Also, Tazer is like totally chill, okay. Look at him eat lemonheads, okay.
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GIVE ME MY TREE TO CLIMB, PLEASE.
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YES
CAN THEY HAVE PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL BOOKS IN A DISPLAY BOOKCASE THAT NOBODY IN NU READS, EXCEPT
JEFF
DOES?
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Of course, because of Kaner, they've also gotta have the whole Twilight series on those shelves, between Machiavelli and Paradise Lost.
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YESSSSSS
CAN JEFF QUOTE PARADISE LOST PLEASE
DID I REQUEST THEE, MAKER, FROM MY CLAY
TO MOULD ME MAN, DID I SOLICIT THEE
FROM DARKNESS TO PROMOTE ME, OR HERE PLACE
IN THIS DELICIOUS GARDEN?
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OH GOD, BUT THIS IS THE GREATEST EVER /o\
i can't get over how hilarious the idea of staal and tazer having to work together is. it would be all the gif above, all the time, with eric constantly pulling shenanigans and being all, lighten up, lighten up tazer, here have another beer, and tazer all like, AHAHA, K. ...BUT THEN WE'LL GET BACK TO THE MEETING RIGHT? eric:...yes. tazer: ...I SENSE YOUR INEVITABLE BETRAYAL.
and how much tazer would judge estaal once he caught onto the thing with jeff, but then all estaal would have to do is be like, dude, kaner and all tazer's moral high ground is put to rest forever.
ESTAAL AND TAZER, BEST FRAT BROS FOR LIFE ♥ ♥
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(But have no fear, the other Staals can more than pick up the slack on the mocking and judging.)
(Somehow also Tyler Seguin and Brad Marchand are going to get shirtless and on top of bars dancing, just because that's what frat boys do, right? Right. 24/7. What are classes?)
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(AND WHAT IS GOING ON WITH TYLER SEGUIN AND BRAD MARCHAND? like, what even are those pictures? is there any heterosexuality left within a square mile of where those images were taken? UNLIKELY.)