did you choke on dirty thoughts at the "Should I call you Dad?" line?

[meitachi]

So it's become tradition for me to watch every Twilight movie release over the holidays with efio_47 and cringe through the terrible acting and horrible lines, and while we were a bit late this year, we finally got around to wrapping up the series last night since I'm back in NC for Christmas. It was glorious, although I wasn't drunk enough (I never am), because booze would've made that 3x better than it was. Even if the CGI baby was creepy as fuck and not "aw so cute" like someone in our theater thought. YOU ARE WRONG, MY FRIEND.

And as per tradition, after ever Twilight movie viewing, I crave terriblamazing Edward/Jacob slashfic. Fanfiction.net will never fail me! And this time it yielded a surprisingly excellent fic dealing with, of course, the favorite trope of Jacob imprinting on Edward. And it is horrifically creepy in a sense because imprinting as established by Stephenie Meyer is kind of...a horrifying stripping away of free will. But, you know, so ~romantic~ aside from that.

No but actually it was a really interesting read - and I managed to buy the motives and choices of the characters within the fic, anyway, so that works for me.

Solar Flare by Siavadha
A rewrite of New Moon and Eclipse; Jacob is the one to rescue Edward in Volterra...and Bella is the one to bring the newborns to Forks.

Twilight does raise some interesting questions for me, though, such as:

1. If you no longer care about your lack of free will, if you then 100% believe your love is choice, is in fact your own will, and to restore you that original free will is impossible, and make the present you miserable at the thought, maybe the morality would operate differently?

2. Does Meyer describe Edward as bronze-haired and topaz-eyed in the books because that shit is everywhere. Also epithets. But that's kind of just standard comes-with-the-package fare with Twilight.

3. Most importantly: if vampires can't blush because they have no blood, how do they get erections? And if they can't cry because they aren't human, how do they come (and produce live sperm that can create a half-mortal half-vampire child)?

I wonder if Yahoo! Answers would know.


ANYWAY. So that's what I've been doing the past day, along with spending time with family, meeting up with old friends, finishing up Christmas presents, and not answering emails. So much to read, you guys. So much! I'm so behind on hd_hols, Yuletide soon, never up to date on manga, books to reread...

Comments

[theafterimages.livejournal.com]

I have one very horrifying (and also hilarious) answer for one part of question #3: the sperm was leftover from when Edward was human. SMeyer said that in one interview or another, and many lulz were had by all.

... and thank you for the fic rec. *bookmarks to read later*

[meiface.livejournal.com]

..but...sperm doesn't work like that. D: Especially if it's 100+ years old! WHAT. WHAT.

Even if we hadnwave that, he still shouldn't be able to get an erection if he doesn't have flowing blood, I'm just sayin'. /SQUINTS

[kasugai-gummie.livejournal.com]

Vampire erections will forever be a total and utter suspension of biological reasons are magical. Who needs science with ~the night clan~.

[meiface.livejournal.com]

I just want to know what kind of evolution brought about the sparkly gene. like, what part of natural selection was like YES. LET'S DO THAT. FOR SURVIVAL.

(Well, no, I do still also want to know about how vampire erections work. lol)

[kasugai-gummie.livejournal.com]

You've seen Jeremy Jahns's review of the twilight movies right? They're utterly beautiful. Especially his review of the one where he starts banging two rocks together... yes. 8D;;

[meiface.livejournal.com]

Noooo I think parody-wise I've only ever read cleolinda's and never watched anything. Banging two rocks together sounds...accurate though, lol. If they are sparkly rocks, of course.

[kasugai-gummie.livejournal.com]

My friend, you have been missing out.

[danii06.livejournal.com]

I subscribe to that man. Twilight movie reviews = awesome abs workouts via uproarious laughter.

And yes, the banging of rocks is a classic.

[kasugai-gummie.livejournal.com]

His reviews of everything are brilliant. And he does a mean gollum impression A+!

[rappakalja.livejournal.com]

God, #3 has bothered me since I finished the books. HOW, MEYER? I DEMAND ANSWERS.

[meiface.livejournal.com]

Well, she apparently said the sperm was leftover from when he was human, which...makes no sense... But then so little else makes sense either that maybe we should just go with it. u___u

I'm actually just sad because I wanted to read more fic but there is such a huge drop off of quality between the top 3 or 4 which I've already read and...everything else. (And here I thought Teen Wolf had already lowered my standards for sexy supernatural shenanigans!)

[papered.livejournal.com]

LMAO mei you are posting twilight fic recs ♥

loling forever at point 3. I read the answer in the comment below and sort of died laughing, because really?? it's leftover sperm?

ALSO, I got your christmas card yesterday! <3 ty~~~ the puppies on the front are super cute. n_n

[meiface.livejournal.com]

IT IS A GOOD FIC THO YOU SHOULD READ IT.

While we wait for the flood of new modern day non-AU Merlin fics. :3 HAVE YOU SEEN THE ENDING? I haven't but obviously I went and spoiled myself for it and alskdjfskd.

I am glad you enjoyed adorable puppies. ♥ MERRY (slightly belated) CHRISTMAS.