meitachi | this is why i shouldn't share my feelings

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this is why i shouldn't share my feelings

seriously. don't read this if you're not a mi-stan, if you're easily offended by personal opinions on kpop idols (it's okay, i am, hence the warning), if you don't get overinvestment in fandom, or if you just don't care.

oh jesus fucking christ i am tired of watching zhou mi make eyes at kyuhyun like he hangs the stars in the sky and kyuhyun occasionally tolerate him, occasionally shrug him off, occasionally smile back and respond like, hey, maybe he actually likes zhou mi as a person. it's like a game of russian roulette with my feelings! i wish i didn't ship them, tbh. no, okay, mostly what i wish is that 1) mimi were not so stuck on him oh my god stop being so obvious it is painful to watch or that 2) kyuhyun would not be so hot and cold I WOULD LIKE TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.

a lot of this ends up, as always, circling around my own neuroses and hang-ups, particularly with friendships and unequal amounts of care and being taken for granted. maybe irl they are just fine and dandy because obviously we can't ever know the whole picture as outsiders, but, just sayin, as an outsider, it really really looks like KYUHYUN IS A SPOILED BRAT WHO CHOOSES TO INDULGE ZHOU MI'S AFFECTIONS WHEN IT SUITS HIM. stop taking people who care for you for granted, asshole.

that said, hey, kyu has guns. mi, as always, is magnetically drawn to him. the lack of personal space is telling. yes, we are comfortable with each other. yes, we are actually close. so, in the end, it is just cho kyuhyun's hang-ups about fans and public images and fanservice and bullshit that makes him tense up and push away.

which is probably normal. which is probably fair. maybe mi is okay with it. maybe mi should stop touching him in public if he is clearly so uncomfortable with it. maybe i am being irrationally biased and pissy and unfair.

but as a mi-stan, i'm not going to be fair. i'm going to call kyuhyun an asshole. asshole.

ngl, i'm sick of kyustans due solely with my annoyance with kyu himself. he is not the end-all be-all. he is actually kind of a jerk sometimes.

in happier news, everything about henry makes me happy. donghae is unbelievably, disgustingly hot and i forgot how much i want him in my pants. oh my god that video HE IS IN ALL BLACK THOSE PANTS THAT SHIRT COLLAR HIS DARK HAIR.

my favorites go thusly: zhou mi, henry, donghae, ryeowook, heechul, kyuhyun.

that's definitely not the order of pants i want in, but, hey, you don't have to like someone to want to fuck them. (and donghae would make a terrible bf anyway.)

this is why i don't like the person i am in kpop fandom. overinvestment, much?

(public, hey, because i'm not ashamed of my ridiculous personal opinions, but comments screened because you should feel free to say what you want too.)

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lol it's like one example out of five trillion. ugh whatever.

HENRY IS EVERYTHING GREAT AND HAPPY-MAKING ugh ilhsm.

oh thank god i am not the only one. it almost seems to me during this last part of m promotions kyuhyun has been somewhat of a dick - like, him and zhou mi are screaming 'awkward' in flashing neon lights. it's like kyuhyun gets a whiff of a camera, fan or official, and gets as far away as he can.

i think kyuhyun is a sweet guy from all the stuff he's done for henry and zhou mi in the past, but right now i kind of want to punch him. maybe they've fallen out or we're just being paranoid fans or whatever, but then maybe he should stop acting like a massive dick. even heechul has a sense of time and place.

/prepares for death from kyustans

oh god a kindred soul. it really fucks me up when i think of how good q's been to mi (and henry too) from 2008 to about, uh, halfway through m's latest promos. yeah. and even before 2008, from when they first met even! like, what the fuck has him so hot and cold just recently? (though he's still hanging out/trolling henry, so they're okay on that front apparently.) ugh, i just. want to shake him ~~a little~~ a lot.

NO OKAY WHAT I REALLY WANT IS MIMI TO JUST BE COMPLETELY COOL/PROFESSIONAL/DISTANTLY POLITE TO HIM FOR A MONTH OR SO AND FOR KYUHYUN TO SUFFER AND MISS HIM A LOT (EVEN ALL THE TOUCHING) AND NEVER TAKE HIM FOR GRANTED AGAIN. /bitter ;;

Haha, I'm more of a Kyu fan than a Mi fan (mostly because his chocolate voice is my absolute weakness), but yeah, Kyuhyun can be sort of a douche sometimes. It's like, he still has the mentality of a high school kid. He's like a porcupine - get too close and you're gonna get pricked once in a while.

Just here to say that Donghae's outfit in IWLY gets me, every single time.

Have never felt so much lust for a human being before as I have for him in that song.

oh my god yes. i just. really need for him to be having a lot of sex. a lot of it. with whomever. everyone. i don't care. BUT HIM/WOMEN IS REALLY HOT TO ME oh my god gem he has such a crush on sunye and i ship that a lot. /tangent. along with how i ship basically donghae/the world.

i just want to deprive him of mimi's attention and affection for a while, just so he knows how much he'll miss it. /mean person

ugh his voice. ugh he's cute and ridiculous and trolly and i do love him. i just want to shove him into doorways and walls sometimes too.

You should write a QMi where Mi is upset with Kyuhyun's hot/cold behavior and Heechul comes up with his "evil plan" to help Zhou Mi. XDDD Sex may or may not be necessary.

OT, but how's bar studying coming along? When's your exam date?

BBQ is such a jerk sometimes, but I love him anyway. :< I do agree though that we should strip him of Mimi's affections and see how he likes it 'cause it's only fair.

... And then hopefully it'll all end in ridiculous amounts of QMi skinshippy goodness.

haha the ever helpful heechul. ♥

studying is tedious and terrible, but they assure us that's how it's supposed to be, haha. we are all suffering together, they say. my exam's july 26 & 27. so much more studying needed. orz

i've realized my love for everyone lately is totally contingent on how well they treat henmi. :/ even donghae, except he gets a tiny bit more leeway because of that lingering bias (and want in his pants).

oh qmi, they are so good together. except when bbq is throwing a tantrum, which is weirdly frequent lately.

Won't he be somewhat deprived when they start promoting for main SJ's new album? I was always under the impression that Zhou Mi didn't just hang out in Korea when he wasn't promoting.

true, but i think i want it in a more deliberate case where kyu expects the attention and doesn't get it. he doesn't really expect it during 5jib, presumably. i just want him to suffer a little. ;__; /vindictively reads the strangely high number of chinese fics where mi leaves q for siwon

Oh, you're so lucky - my exam is three days instead of two. T___T FML.

I understand ;-; I feel doubly bad for Zhou Mi and Henry when they get rebuffed by other SJ members and it's caught on camera... Because then not only are they getting rebuffed by their friends, but the more insane fans scream it as proof that all of SJ hates Henmi (like that thing with Kyu and Mi on the escalator... ;-; ). So they get an extra dosage of hate on top of what ever is going between friends.

And that's commonish in Chinese fics? Interesting. I don't see many English fics of Zhou Mi outside of QMI and Kyumin ones.

oh man tell me about it, my preferences are definitely skewed in relation to how well they treat zhou mi (and herry). like ngl, donghae is actually one of my least favorites because it's clear - to me anyway, and some other mitang i've chatted to - that he and zhou mi just don't get along? although his bromance with henry is too adorable for me to actually dislike him (lol my views are so, so distorted; if donghae and zhou mi were close, he'd probably be one of my favorites)

but ngl i find most kyustans i've come across intolerable. like you said, all of them seem to think the sun shines out of his ass, and think everything should be about him. and hey, he is smart! and a great singer! and quite funny. but also, he can definitely be obnoxious and rude a lot of the time and most kyustans apparently don't realise that (or they revel in his occasional douchiness towards zhou mi, because 95% of kyuhyun fans are anti-zhou mi).

in a way, i think they've always been like this. qmi. like, zhou mi's always been the one with a hand on kyuhyun's shoulder or whatever, even in 2008-2009 pictures. and i can't help (bitterly) feeling that kyuhyun's apparent increased closeness with zhou mi back in 2008-2009 was due to being in a different country, having to deal with a language barrier, etc, and basically ...making use of zhou mi? and now that kyuhyun's more comfortable with it, more comfortable with himself, it's like zhou mi's not really of further use to him anymore. which isn't to say that they aren't ... idk if i'd even call them friends tbh, good acquaintances, it's just that i never thought of them as incredibly close. they don't seem to hang out much in korea? (although zhou mi has zero fans in korea rofl so it's hard to tell what he even does when he's there.) and just, i mean, i try to quit hypothesizing and enjoy the qmi fanservice for what it is- fanservice - but my overinvestment in zhou mi is too overwhelming to be ignored :\

although i do think kyuhyun is naturally not a touchy-feely person, so there's that too. but whatever, i'm still bitter on zhou mi's behalf. life of a delusional mitang.

are you taking cali's?? or are you even in the u.s.? /o\ ca is the only state i know with a 3 day exam so forgive the presumption and rampant curiosity. either way, my sympathies!

YES!! oh god that escalator cam was hilarious to me as a qmi fan but also horrible for me as a mi-fan because i knew how anti-henmi fans would see it and use it and laksdfjslkdh 1000% more unhappy. sadly, this is pretty much why i don't leave my tiny corner of lj.

except for the occasional chinese fic! yeah, miwon is strangely really popular, and i think it's hilarious. i have become sort of a fan, mostly because q keeps treating mi like a jerk in those fics. whyyyy, kyu? :(

haha actually the reason donghae managed to even drop from my #1 favorite for pretty much the 3.5 continuous years i've been in kpop fandom to #...whatever it is now is because he and zhou mi aren't close and that bothers me. a lot. that he dropped at all is a big change for me, haha. /o\ i do love love love his friendship with henry though, and heechul, and kyuhyun, and generally as a person, so :/. i basically fall over myself at the slightest hint of mihae, it's kind of ridiculous.

ngl, kyustans are actually turning me off kyu himself a bit. well, that and the way he is with mimi. i agree that he's sort of been using him and now that he's comfortable trolling on his own, he sort of just wants to do that. i do think they're close though; kyuhyun's just really, really hung up about this whole public persona thing. hence the lack of real twitter/cyworld usage. hence the searching for himself on fansites and things. i think they do hang out in korea (enough that q takes pics of fashionista!mi at least, right?), though who can know for sure, since mi doesn't share anymore and kyu has never done so anyway.

it's always bugged me that 90% of qmi is mi-->q, which is probably why even the slightest bit of q-->mi (like in this icon) makes me about 10x happier. life is hard. orz

I JUST WANT KYUHYUN TO SUFFER A LITTLE, IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK? /bitter

pretty much zhou mi just needs to be happy and not used and properly appreciated askdfhslk ffff no one lives up to my standards.

enough that q takes pics of fashionista!mi at least, right?

where, when, what!? it is actually pathetic how !!!! i am about this, rofl

i think kyuhyun's changed considerably over the past 2 years, in that he's more outspoken in general (because his shyness in china/etc wasn't just due to the language barrier, i think; he was pretty quiet in korea, too). and that's true. i feel like kyu's pretty self-conscious, and in a way it seems like he tries to divide his fanservice equally among members? but zhou mi basically only has kyuhyun to cling to, so ugh :/ (although! i am really, really happy that zhou mi seems to be closer to eunhyuk and henry and sungmin and ryeowook! honestly zhou mi/happiness is my ultimate otp, so if others are treating him well i just, i'm so glad ok ;_;)

lol this is how i feel toooo. i hope he ends up snagging a ridiculously attractive life partner, or at the very least, has amazingly hot sex on a regular basis.

this one was taken by q for sure! (http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhpjsfm96T1qb1nat.jpg) there are some others here (http://meiface.livejournal.com/265750.html) but idk if q's the photographer for those. you've seen the pic where q was sleeping in mi's bed at least, right? granted, they were in qingdao for sm town, but that's still a voluntary choice to go hang out with ~~his bf~~ zhou mi, right? /delusional

y, i agree about q! definitely more comfortable joking (and dancing and mc-ing, he's really branching out) but still super self-conscious. i just wish the consequences didn't fall on mi.

ngl hyuk has never been a favorite but the hyukmi thrills me to pieces VERY SMALL PIECES OF JOY and of course henwook too, but they pretty much love everyone bc they are amazing, and every time sungmin says nice things about zhou mi, i just want to cuddle him and go TAKE THAT, KYUMIN FANS. AND ALSO KYUHYUN, WHO NEEDS YOU.

or at the very least, has amazingly hot sex on a regular basis.
PLEASE.

I'm taking the Washington state exam. It's 2 days of substantive and 1 day of PR. T___T Studying for this stupid test is equivalent to pulling teeth without novocaine or something.

holy crap, it's 3 days too? how terrible. seriously, i should be studying right now, ugh. good luck to both of us!

.... qmi is vaguely depressing sometimes, so instead I will focus on this: how ridiculously hot is donghae in that video? *_______* the black looks disgustingly good on him.

you're back! and yes oh my god SO DELICIOUSLY LICKABLE OH GOD.

... Donghae?!

Er. Hello there, you. ~~I'll be in my bunk.~~

I try to not venture too far out of QMI territory (that sounds so weird lool) as far as stuff for Mi in SJ fandom goes. Some writers have... 'Creative...' interpretations of Mi. But the escalator thing, at first I was just like "bickering like children tsk :T" and then I saw comments from others on it... ):

I'm curious now! But alas, Chinese is not a language I know, and I haven't seen many in English. So the stories are like, Zhou Mi finally gets fed up with Kyu's sporadic indifference?

Pure sex, it is true. ~~Take him to your bunk with you.~~

oh hey, we are not as alone as we think! yesss, i am the same way. ;_; it's terrible. i agree with your stealing mi away and showering him with love plan. SUFFER ALONE, KYUHYUN. until you can properly appreciate how good mi's been to you.

oh no, i understand the sentiment. i'm pretty much only friends with people who love zhou mi so i have little exposure to what the rest of fandom at large thinks about him, and i think i'm happier this way.

ahh those fics usually have kyu being - well, kind of like he is irl sometimes. sulky and impatient and not good with feelings, which drives mi away, or they go full out and have kyu falling in love with someone else and driving mi away. it is all basically horrible. so by the end i'm cheering for miwon because at least siwon is good to zhou mi!! >:(

~~Oh god, I wish, I really do. Mmmmmmmmmmph.~~

i don't even know what's going on with sjm but this just makes me feel bad for zhou mi, because, man, that must suck =/

i blame kyuhyun. ┐(´ー`)┌

and wish fervently (in the soot of pointless way where i can't actually do anything about it) that zhou mi is happy.

PERSONALL, I WANT TO SEE MORE WONMI /shakes fist at lack of it in english fandom/ siwon always treats him so well and I love it when they giggle and collapse all over each other. and oh my god, all your comments about haemi gpoy gpoy gpoy.

though, I wonder if haemi might grow closer in the future; I noticed that in the beginning, henry and zhou mi weren't close. they had the bond of 'oh we're alone together' but they didn't really seem like friends... I wonder if sungmin brought them together, because recently they have been interaction. a lot. (sungmin is forever and ever having my enternal love for always being their first friends and generally being the loveliest sweetest man ever).

q just needs to be rebuffed for a while - I noticed that generally during m promotions, when mi wasn't hanging all over q he was cuddling with siwon (;_; my heart) but since mr horse has been off filming dramas, maybe that's part of the reason zhou mi is stuck to the brat like glue? ~~as much as I adore all the henmin going on, I want some more mimin cuddling, cries am I alone~~.

miwon is so popular in c-fandom - it's bizarre, but GREAT. i take special delight in it when it's paired with qmi where q is being a douche to mi and siwon is being awesome and i'm like yesssssss mimi, leave the jerkface for the guy who will treat you well and also is TALL AND HOT AND RICH AND WILL BUY YOU ALL YOUR DESIGNER NEEDS. i wrote a miwon once and sort of ended up converting myself into shipping them in the process, haha. :">

alskdhfjsk i cannot put into words how much i want haemi though. i think they are closer! there some small cute moments of hae laughing at mimi and random touching that make me happy. :D every little moment.

pretty much there needs to be fic (OR REALITY) where everyone is all over mi all the time and kyu is left alone and jealous-- wait, i think i wrote a fic like this too. ffff the things i want from qmi remain unchanged, it seems. WHATEVER, THERE SHOULD BE MORE ALL THE TIME. IN REALITY.

Sorry if I seem like a stalker.. :/

I feel you on the over-investment part. Like, the airport video? I simply could not watch it. Sobs I feel so pathetic.

To quote my own sort-of essay (because I have no life) on Qmi:

Most of the time(Zhou Mi) looks so horribly, stupidly in love with Kyuhyun. He just can’t help but touch him – like honestly? Fanservice shouldn’t be about constantly hanging all over each other, but about in-your-face or sudden spur of the moment things, which happen maybe once or twice per show/concert/whatever. But Zhou Mi just is constantly all over Kyuhyun, touching, hugging, supporting, teasing him. His gaze is on the younger man just a tad too often and the way he always manages to sneak Kyuhyun into any conversation, the way he talks about him, it’s with a strange sort of pride. As if to say, look how amazing the guy I’m in love with is!

And while Zhou Mi ‘pines’ solely over Kyuhyun and never gets quite as ‘intimate’ with any other Super Junior members, Kyuhyun doesn’t really pin himself on a particular member. He does whatever he wants, and it seems to me he revels in the screams it elicits, the attention he gets from it. (oh my god I feel like I’m badmouthing Kyuhyun someone please shoot me :/)

He kisses Siwon, hugs Sungmin, hangs all over Donghae, takes lots of selcas with Ryeowook and probably a ton of stuff I forgot in my sleep deprived, hyperemotional state. He never really plays favourites, never gets too close to someone. Admireable? Or stand-offish? I don't know.

And sometimes, just sometimes Kyuhyun also looks quite smitten with Zhou Mi but with him I just can't tell if it’s real or not, while Zhou Mi… I think he just is incapable of faking such actions or feelings for that matter. Like he’s all in and Kyuhyun… is not. Not quite. Maybe not at all. I don’t even know anymore.'

So yes, I love Kyuhyun for his singing, his looks and wits. But it sort of hurts to see Zhou Mi practically begging for attention, and Kyuhyun seemingly only indulging him when he feels like it. Urgh I sound so crazy rn I should just quit fandom :\

ahhh no, it's totally fine, I welcome comments from everyone! Don't ever feel like you can't.

adlkf and seriously, exactly what you said about them. Obviously we're not even the only ones to think so either! Mimi is just so open about how into Kyuhyun he is (whether romantically or platonically). Kyuhyun, I think, really does like his company and him as a person, but he is incredibly self-conscious about what he does in public (very guarded about what he posts to Twitter/cyworld, for instance, and the image he presents during shows - a carefully cultivated mischievous/trolly personality). Plus, I don't think he likes the idea of (consciously) playing favorites. He is close to all the other members too, so it makes sense.

But yeah, he's pretty aware of what fans will see and speculate as well, so... :/ Not a very open touchy-feely person, coupled with his awareness of a public persona makes for a lot of stand-offish moments in public that make me :||||||||||| a lot. I shouldn't hold it against him, really, BUT I DO. I DO. MIMI OR BUST, JERKFACE. NEVER MAKE HIM LOOK SAD OR LIKE HE'S TRAILING AFTER YOU LIKE A PUPPY BEGGING FOR ATTENTION. Happy things only for Zhou Mi!

LOL ♥ ILU MEI. I don't follow enough to know about how kyu is being a dick except MAYBE IT'S LIKE WHEN THOSE STRAIGHT GUYS REALIZE THEY REALLY ARE TRULY GAY FOR THEIR BFF AND GET AWKWARD AND SHIT BUT THEN IT TURNS OUT THEY'RE MEANT TO BE AND RIDE OFF INTO THE SUNSET TOGETHER!!!

...oh wait. that's not real life. sad...

ugh kyuhyun annoys me sometimes too. especially with that clip fr the airport where he basically leaves mi and runs to ming. not anything against ming but the way the kyumin shippers crowed, "kyumi wins!" FU but i have nothing else to say because evidence points it is true :|

anyway i'm glad i could get that out here, idk i can't say this aloud to my friends because i am the person who is afraid of showing how overinvested i am in fandom D: but anyway.

kyu is a brat. sometimes its cute. usually its hilarious. but if it's at mi's expense i kind of want to hit him sometimes.

AND I LIKE YOUR RANKING <33333 AND THAT HENMI ARE THE TOP TWO :3

AND IF HENMI ARE NOT IN THE SS3 PHOTOBOOK I WILL THROW THINGS T_T

that is all and thank you~

haha it's okay, just agree with me when I want to punch Kyu in the face (just a few times!) and hold Louise back. ;) She can console him after I've gotten in my punches! AND THEN HE CAN SUFFER HOHOHO.

I mean, I like your version of real life better...

ahaha actually that airport clip was really cute to me as a qmi fan? because it showed how bratty and spoiled kyu would let himself be around zhou mi - and the running to ming afterwards was like the most childish HAH TAKE THAT reaction alskdhfjd. such a child. i want to ruffle his hair and punch him in the face at the same time. but yeah, kyumin fans will take that as another reason to hate mi or something. ugh idk, ship wars are ridiculous. i just want kyu to treat mi like he cares. :( and i know he does. JUST SHOW IT PROPERLY SOMETIMES, ASSHOLE. /judgy

oh man overinvestment in fandom. yeah. i try not to let it get to me, but it's always qmi that does it. /o\ at least henry is everything happy-making? and unf unf donghae.

ugh, i'm almost positive ss3 dvd/photobook won't have them just because...ss2 didn't. i'm so done with that shit. i'll stick to my corner of henmi + sjm love.

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this is why i shouldn't share my feelings

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